Happy Halloween! 7DPO and a Visit with PCP/Sleep Study Results

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Today was a busy day! I had college from 10am until 3pm, than met with my PCP, than got my sleep study results, and than took Gabriella trick or treating.

You know your PCP is a good one when she is dressed up in a "sexy jail bird" costume lol. She had the cuffs and all. Lol.

I mentioned to my PCP what the OBGYN and Endocrinologist have said. I brought lab results, and I brought the ultrasound. I even brought the e-mails exchanged between us.

Her thoughts were this.

1. She reviewed the previous records and lab work. I indeed have PCOS. She has no idea what the Endo and OBGYN were talking about. She reccomended me see another Endocrinologist at Elliot or at BY Womans.
2. She doesn't know how long I had the chlamydia for [where alex has been normal I could have had it for 2years+ and not known it] apparently this could have caused fertility issues and closed my tubes. I am clean right now. But she thinks it could have caused damage.
3. She does not think I am ovulating based on my labs. She reccomended taking a progesterone cream and to try Vitex or Fertibella.
4. She is going to re run labs in the new year.
5. She says I need to be on the Metformin and Synthroid.
6. She wants me to have a hystosonogram done to see what is going on.

She wants me to come back in the new year for a histosonogram thingy.... she also wants to refer to a reproductive endocrinologist in the new year.





So. I'm satisfied. She is going to run the labs in the new year.

Yesterday, I paid $330 for 23 and Me testing for Genetics. I have wanted the test for a while now. I want to see what the results show, and it may or may not help my ancestry (I'm big into Genealogy) I mentioned this to her and she wants to see the 23 and Me results when they come back.





With regards to my sleep study, the doctor noted light snoring, and a few apneas, but he said it can vary from night to night. He said he is going to see me back in 3mos to re-run the test. The apneas are not strong enough to treat.





I am currently 7DPO, and will be testing in 1 week if AF does not come by than. Have had some cramping and such...





Happy Halloween and *baby dust* to all.



I "Apparently" Don't have PCOS... WTF???


As you know, in my last blog, I vented about how stupid my OBGYN was, and is. So I decided to ask my Endocrinologist straight up, what her thoughts were on this. I got a response back from my endocrinologist today. 

I am really going to just say that I am going to switch to another hospital all together. Dartmouth Hitchcock has been nothing but bad news for either myself, or my daughter. I asked the endocrinologist up front if she thinks I have PCOS. 

This is what she said. "You certainly did not present like classic PCOS. My main criteria for classifying you in this category is your high insulin level. Metformin is used for PCOS and type 2 diabetes - the main issue behind both is insulin resistance which Metformin addresses. You do not seem to have other symptoms as well as manifestations associated with the diagnosis. I think Metformin is a good addition for you. Also I definitely think getting the portion size down on your carbohydrates in meals as well as exercise is definitely going to help you. I hope this clears up some confusion. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance. Take care" 

So my first question is WTF is a classic case of PCOS? I have horrible acne, skin tags, am overweight (have been my entire life) my hormones are off balance.. In doing research I found a good website that explained it all. 

Classical PCOS (Stein Leventhal Syndrome) with: 
Obesity
Hirsutism (excess hair growth), alopecia (male pattern baldness), with elevated male hormone levels (i.e. testosterone)
Irregular or absent menstruation since puberty
Lack of ovulation and infertility
Ovaries with many small cysts, hence the term polycystic
Insulin resistance with a greater risk of developing diabetes
I see 5 out of 6 there, according to this website: http://www.seattleivf.com/pcos.html

I'm fairly certain that I have PCOS... and that without the Metformin I would 1. not get a period and 2. not get ovulation. I am so frustrated right now. I will be calling my PCP at 1pm, and asking them if she can re-run labwork. 

Here is my issue... 

Obviously, these doctors have not seen me over numerous years. They have not seen that my period started at 8, and went away by 11. They don't grasp the concept that I was put on Lo Orval at 11, until 17. They also don't get that PCOS affects everyone differently. My periods have ALWAYS been irregular... 

I usually use 2007 as an example, because before 07, I don't remember when my period was. I got my period 1 time in 2007. I ended up getting pregnant, and miscarrying in July 07. We tried again, and In Dec 07, I got pregnant again, but sadly delivered my stillborn in May 08. 

I Had no period from May 08 to September 08. In September, I had spotting, and don't consider it a real period... and then in November found out I was pregnant with my daughter Gabriella. 
So from Nov 08 to June 09, obviously being pregnant, I didn't have my period...

I got my period in August 09... Got pregnant, and miscarried again, and after this miscarriage, didn't want another... until I was in a steady relationship, because I was trying to leave my at the time abusive relationship... so in Nov 09 got my IUD inserted... 

Then I ended up having my IUD dislodge, and ended up removing it... which ended up causing me to miscarry again... from a boyfriend who lasted only 3mos... That was in April 2010... 

I decided to stop dating for a bit, got my life together, and again, got an IUD placed and it caused no problems, because it was properly measured... then I ended up meeting Alex in June 2011...

So from April 2010 to June 2011, I did not date... Of course, after 2mos of being with Alex, we had sex... I ended up getting pregnant yet again... and by the time it was caught, my IUD was embedded into my uterine wall... they had to use special tools to remove it... and they had me sign a consent form, because I was going to miscarry... I blamed myself for that miscarriage... it was in October 2011... Alex told me "We will try again harder, in the future" which bothered me... but he didn't really know how to deal with it anyway... 

This time I got a Paraguard IUD instead of the Mirena... because the IUD is the ONLY safe birth control for those with clotting disorders (I have Several Clotting Issues and MTHFR) so I didn't really have a choice. 

Of course, between all the pregnancies, and the IUD issues, and whatnot, I didn't have a period... So that means my last "known" period at this point (In Oct 2011) was in September 2008... 

After the Holidays in 2011, we decided we wanted to shoot for April 2012 for removal of my IUD... 

After a discussion in March, we decided that I didn't want any kind of birth control to begin with. Because of all the issues with my IUD's dislodging, and the risk of clotting (even though they claim it was safe) 

So we had my IUD removed in April 2012. Tried for 2mos, with no success, and decided to go to an endocrinologist. She threw me on Metformin in June... and in July ran labwork... which came back with in normal range, but with slight abnormalities (DHEAS was low, FSH:LH was higher than 1:1 ratio, Progesterone was low, and Insulin was high) and so she is NOW telling me I don't have PCOS? Yeah... that is extremely bothersome to me... 

Does anyone else think that I don't fit PCOS Criteria? I posted my labwork over the last year in the documents... It just doesn't make sense to me... I'm going to see if I can find a caring doctor through Elliot, because I am DONE with being told I don't have PCOS... and I don't meet criteria... Am I wrong for being upset? Do you think that I am over reacting?

According to this website, the criteria for PCOS is as follows:
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)PCOS is a common condition affecting up to 10% of all women and the incidence is higher in infertile women. Often symptoms present at the time of first menstruation (menarche), but some patients develop symptoms later in their reproductive lives and the clinical presentation varies from subtle to overt.It is now well established that PCOS runs in families, although different individuals may have different forms of the syndrome.

PCOS usually presents in two forms:

A. Classical PCOS (Stein Leventhal Syndrome) with: 
Obesity
Hirsutism (excess hair growth), alopecia (male pattern baldness), with elevated male hormone levels (i.e. testosterone)
Irregular or absent menstruation since puberty
Lack of ovulation and infertility
Ovaries with many small cysts, hence the term polycystic
Insulin resistance with a greater risk of developing diabetes

Non-Classical PCOS, or PCOS variants:

This subtle condition is far more prevalent than the classical form of PCOS and patients present with some of the features (1-6 above), but not all. Specifically, these patients may be thin but still manifest the aspects of classical PCOS. Women with PCOS appear to be at risk of developing other health problems during their lives including:
Insulin resistance and diabetes
Lipid abnormalities (cholesterol and triglycerides)
Sleep apnea
Endometrial cancer
PCOS Physiology

Patients with PCOS have a disruption to several hormonal systems leading to abnormal ovulation, hirsutism, and possibly insulin resistance. The associated obesity may further compound these hormonal aberrations so that a vicious cycle is present with the hormonal problems causing obesity, often refractive to standard weight loss regimens, and the obesity aggravating the hormone problems. The following hormonal problems are associated with PCOS.
  1. Pituitary -There is an excess production of LH compared to FSH (greater than 3: 1) leading to disruption of the menstrual cycle and increased androgen (male hormone) production in the ovary.
  1. Ovary-Increased production of estrogen without progesterone may lead to the development of a thickened uterine lining (endometrial hyperplasia) and possibly uterine cancer over many years. Testosterone production is also increased in the small cysts of the ovary and this may be converted to more estrogen in the fat cells.
  1. Adrenal-An elevation in adrenal androgens (DHEAS) is seen in some PCOS patients.
  1. Insulin Resistance- This phenomenon relates to an insensitivity of the PCOS patient to insulin requiring the body to produce a greater amount of this hormone to process a given amount of carbohydrate. Since insulin has the effect of increasing testosterone production in the ovary, a self-perpetuating cycle is produced.
PCOS- Diagnosis

There are several aspects important to the diagnosis of PCOS:
  1. History and physical examination (this will enable classical PCOS patients to be differentiated from the non classical)
  1. Hormonal testing including fasting glucose and insulin levels
  1. Ultrasound to visualize the ovaries 
  1. Endometrial biopsy to exclude pre cancerous uterine conditions
Treatment of PCOS

Treatment of PCOS can take many forms including:
  1. Weight loss (this may be difficult because of high testosterone levels) but may be aided by the administration of insulin lowering medications as well as following a low carbohydrate diet and an appropriate exercise regimen.
  1. Regulation of menses may be accomplished with regular administration of progesterone or the use of an appropriate oral contraceptive (one low in androgens).
  1. Ovulation induction with:
  • Gonadotropins such as Follistim or Gonal-F with the occasional use of aGnRH antagonist (Lupron) or agonist (Ganirelix). Close monitoring to prevent hyperstimulation of the ovary is mandatory.
  • Dexamethasone may be used to suppress adrenal androgen production.
  1. Insulin resistance may be treated with weight loss and metformin (Glucophage), Actos (pioglitazone), or Avania (rosiglitazone).  These medications are insulin-sensitizing agents that improve glucose tolerance, insulin resistance, and lower testosterone levels. Hence, improving the hormonal environment and often establishing normal ovulation.
  1. Hirsutism- May be treated with an appropriate oral contraceptive preparation, Spironolactone, and cosmetic approaches such as electrolysis and laser.
  1. Surgery- In refractory cases, laparoscopic surgery with a YAG laser may be used to reduce the ovarian production of testosterone by removing some of the tissue that is producing the testosterone.

Now, I also recently was told I had mild sleep apnea that may require a CPAP or BIPAP in the future. I had my sleep study on 10-23, and the diagnosis was confirmed at today's appointment... So its frustrating to sit here and say I do not have PCOS when I know for a fact, I do. 

I really really really dislike Dartmouth Hitchcock. I set up an appointment tomorrow to talk with my PCP about re-running labs, and getting her thoughts on this... I also think I am going to see if she can give me access to my medical records online, or copy the ones I don't already have for me... and mail them... 



A Bit Of Our Life...

I wanted to share with you all some of my most recent updated photos.

We generally get them done, if possibly, once each season. So we have Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall Sessions. Our last family session was done for Gabriella's third birthday, by Photography by Autumn, in June. These lovely photos were done by Puzzle Piece Photography by Michayla Chasse, and they came out amazing.

It is so true, that through a child's eyes, you can see everything better. Children have a way of bringing people closer together. It of course, does not come with a manuel  but in the end, at the end of the day, our children are what we live for. I am so blessed to have my daughter, and hope that sometime soon, I can add to my wonderful family.













Thank you for allowing me to share with you a brief portion of our life, and our family.

*baby dust to all*





OPTK Adventures... and Sucky Doctors...


Ever Feel Like Doctors treat you like you don't know your own body? Do you ever feel like unless you slap documentation into your doctor's face, they don't believe you have a medical condition and were misdiagnosed. Yes, well, that is the issue with me. I have a large amount of health conditions, that are not documented properly, and as such, have to argue with my doctors to provide me the care I need. When it gets to that point, it is basically time to get a different doctor. But I will get to that towards the end of this blog.

I've been trying to get into my Endocrinologists office since August, but between her going on vacation, and never being available to set up an appointment, its been frustrating. I have an appointment with her colleague Dr Kong on November 23rd, where I am going to basically tell them where to go, if I can get into Elliot Endocrinology, because to me, it is important to have a doctor available for you, and this appointment is to go over July's lab results, in almost December? Really? December 1st will be my 6 months on Metformin, and if all goes right, I will end up pregnant this cycle, but that's a different story. My vent is merely the fact that these doctors at Dartmouth Hitchcock are STUPID. But I'll get back to that.

Below are images of my OPTK's for this month. With PCOS, OPTK's are often misleading, but I have never had more than 3 positive OPTK's myself. I was annov during the month of September, so to be getting results that seem so regular to me, are kinda... worrisome... I say worrisome because It makes me think their inaccurate.





I read some where that you need to start taking OPTK's on cycle day 10. I did so this month, and got 3 positives, and than today was negative.

My chart indicates I ovulated on CD14, but I think it occured more so on CD15 than anything. We're hoping this month is it.

This is my present chart...




Atleast I know my cycles are somewhat normal... but I must say after being ANNOV in September, and Ovulating in August, but having that 70 CD between August and September, it was annoying. I hope that never happens again. The cramps this cycle were HELL ON EARTH.

I get asked the question alot when people wonder why it is so important for me to try. I often respond with because I have to worry about if I don't try and get pregnant, what will happen. I have Factor I, II and V Leiden. My factor I is hypofibrinogenemia, and factor II is a genetic prothrombin clotting issue. I also have MTHFR, another type of mutation, so its almost certain that I will need to be on Lovonox.

I will take a moment to vent here...

I was seen recently through Dartmouth Hitchcock Clinic - Bedford, through a doctor for High Risk OBGYN. Now, keep in mind here, I have ALL my past medical records from all previous doctors.
The reason for being seen through this doctor was because we are planning and trying for a baby, and with my past history and my PCOS, I wanted a little bit of guidance, help, and support.

I left the doctors office upset. I was basically told that I had been misdiagnosed with PCOS, and by definition did not meet the criteria for PCOS, and was not infertile. I was than asked to sign a consent for medical records release for Mass General Hospital, and for Gulf Coast Medical Center. I asked my doctor what she was looking for, and her response was "I need the placenta pathology records, and the autopsy report from your stillborn in 2008" Kind of shocked, I told her, okay, but I thought to myself, what does that have to do with me TTC presently? Those are previous documented things, and I was upset to be reminded of my stillborn daughter.

Now keep in mind, Florida has some retarded law where if your before a certain point of gestation, they do not issue a birth certificate, or death certificate, because it is not considered a "live birth" because the baby was not born breathing. Also keep in mind, that Jason and I signed consent forms to seal any records about Kayleigh from being released publically  and due to religious beliefs, and morals, we did not want a complete autopsy performed, so they only performed a limited medical one. I told her that I had the records she was looking for, and she responded back with this:

HI April,
I would advise that we go forward with obtaining the records as your history is very complicated and with your prior records I can review more than just lab results: I can read and interpret the notes to lend more information to my knowledge base and better care for you.
If you have any other concerns let me know. I would still recommend following up after we receive the records so that I can review them prior and with you at your next visit.
So, I felt almost like I did not have a choice in the matter, and responded to her with this:

I understand and will allow you to request the information you need from those that I signed, but I do not know if the information you seek will be enclosed in there. MGH and Gulf Coast are usually fairly well with those things, but not sure if they will send certain information and whatnot, because we did seal off parts of my medical record at one point.

Which brings me to another thing. I did sign the consent for release for the Lee County Health Dept and the District 21 Medical Examiners Office so that you all could get the pathology stuff from Kayleigh, but I do remember that we had a limited autopsy done, so I am not too sure if it will yield the information your looking for.

The other thing was Lee County generally releases statistics publicly for Stillbirths, but we signed a consent that protected that part of my medical record, and allowed them from not releasing that sort of stuff to anyone other than Jason (Kayleighs Dad) and myself.

SO... I am not sure they will be able to send you that stuff that you need, BUT I am saying I have those records and can bring them with me if you would like...

Also, I wish to further in depth discuss with you the reason you think I do not have PCOS. I don't want to argue with you about this, but I do think and feel your wrong to state you feel I was misdiagnosed with PCOS. I have labs from my primary care doctor, from before the Metformin (I was put on this in June 2012), and labs previous to that that show otherwise hormonally. PCOS has a specific criteria. It is not just a reproductive disorder, it is an endocrine disorder, and a metabolic disorder. Every woman with PCOS has been affected with it differently. I feel almost as though you think that just because I can get pregnant so easily, does not mean I don't have PCOS. Which is incorrect, I know tons of woman who can get pregnant, on supplements like Fertibella, and Metformin, Chromium, Cinamon ect. and end up miscarrying due to low progesterone. My labs were "normal" on Metformin, but had I been off the Metformin when they were ran, they would have been abnormal. My PCP believes I have PCOS. If you feel I do not have PCOS, than I will stop the Metformin, and have you run labs to see where I am at hormonally without the Metformin to proove the reason why I am regular is because of Metformin. I was diagnosed in 2000 with PCOS, after starting my period at age 8, and being irregular and than at age 11, they went away all together. New Hampshire Hospital did pregnancy tests to assure I was not pregnant, and than ran hormonal checks, and did an ultrasound, and they were the ones to diagnose. At the time, of course, I was thrown on Lo Orval which made things ten times worse. I stopped birth control by 17. So I am somewhat confused as to why after all these years, your the only one who disagrees with the diagnosis, especially where I was on Metformin 850mg X3 before becoming pregnant with Gabriella, and during pregnancy, and after. I did not have assistance with Clomid or Femera, but the Metformin regulated me and did the trick, and also helped with my Insulin Resistance.


Also... Alex and I would like to know if you can run a pre-pregnancy carrier screening on us the next time we come in. His medical history as far as he knows is normal, but he does not
. see a doctor regularly. I feel like since we are TTC, we should know if either of us have any risks genetically, of passing anything onto a potential child. I was not able to do these with any of the other pregnancies, because they were not planned, but feel that a carrier screening for any genetic things should be done, since we are obviously planning this one. Let me know if it is possible to do this in your office. If not, I can pay $300 for a 23 and Me Genetic Testing Profile and bring that in, as it will be helpful.

Anyway, those are my concerns... I am 99.9% certain I have PCOS, but we can discuss all of that when I bring my medical records with me to the next appointment.

She did not respond to this, surprise, surprise.


Instead, in my office notes, she wrote this:


Pt is a 23yo G7P1151 who discontinued the IUD in April as she wanted to conceive and has not conceived since that time. She states she has PCOS and is taking Metformin prescribed by Dr. Guddette and labs 7/12 were wnl except for polycystic ovaries and mildly elevated LFT's 
She has had regular menses q 30 since recording menses in June, except for her last menses which was delayed for 6wks: LMP 10/11. 
Her uPt was neg then, she did use an OPK for one cycle and it was normal. Her PMH is sign for anxiety and depression and her therapists advise that she not d/c her meds in preconceptionally or with a pregnancy ongoing. She has a heterozygous Factor V thrombophilia discovered with an evaluation for recurrent pregnancy loss and a second trimester loss at 23 wks she states the autopsy for her daughter indicated a possible cardiac defect she delivered this baby in FLA and we do not have the records. She has had a term live birth and her daughter is 3yo from a different fob than presently; this daughter also has a cardiac defect: a left ventricular issue that was repaired and a POF that is currently being evaluated. She had her Thrombophilia evaluation completed by Dr. Fogerty at MGH : we donot have those records and she states she has Factor 1,2 and V thrombophilia . She is taking a MVT daily. 

ImP: ? PCOS: with regular menses and normal labs unsure whether she has been appropriately diagnosed: unsure whether Metformin is indicated or assisting pt with her relatively regular menses: adv she keep a menstrual journal and return in 6wks 
Possible increased risk for cardiac anomalies if pathology is confirmed withprior records: requested: in the meantime: recommended 1mg of Folic acid in addition to her daily MVT. 
Thrombophilia: past available records reference a heterozygous Thrombophilia only records from Hematogist in Boston requested 
Will review records at 6wk f/u. Encouraged pt to f/u to assure records are received prior to this visit. 
Will need LFT's rechecked if not done by other MD at n/v. 
30min consult
Now, to justify and explain things a bit here:
1. I do not actively have a blood clot. I have had 1 blood clot occur in my lifetime. That was in April 2012. I am not actively taking Coumadin/Warfarin, because it is poisonous to the body when TTC. Instead I take 80mg of Aspirin daily.
2. LFT's are liver function tests. These have always been elevated.
3. With Factor I, the condition I have is called Hypofribronogen (emia) and basically what happens is I have too much fibronogen in my system. Hypofibrinogen is a situation where the fibrinogen levels increase over 400 mg/dl. When this occurs, embolism is a higher risk. Embolism of the heart, veins, and such put you at a higher risk for heart attack, and stroke. With Factor II, what happens is there is a lack of a substance (prothrombin) that is needed for blood to clot. This disorder occurs when the body does not have enough factor II, an important blood clotting protein. Factor II deficiency that runs in families (inherited) is very rare. Both parents must be carriers to pass it to their children.  With Factor V Leiden, I am heterozygous, which means that my risk is a 3-8 fold. But when you combine all 3 of these together, it is asking for problems. Than if you add MTHFR to the equation, your basically asking for Lovonox during pregnancy. MTHFR is MTHFR stands for "methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase." MTHFR is anenzyme that helps process vitamin B9, which is also called folic acid or folate. Folate helps the body breakdown, use, and make new proteins. One of folate's most important jobs involves changing an amino acid called homocysteine into another amino acid called methionine. Both of these amino acids are essential for many body functions. However, having too much homocysteine may raise your risk for a number of health conditions. When MTHFR isn't working as well as usual, it processes less folate. Less folate leads to a buildup of homocysteine. Too much homocysteine has been linked to health problems like abnormal clotting, heart disease, and some pregnancy complications.

Now, another annoyance here is her questioning my diagnosis of PCOS. Really? You have labwork from July, AFTER I was put on Metformin. I have copies of bloodwork BEFORE metformin, and why would doctors diagnose me with a condition in 2000, and be treating me for it all these years if I didn't have it.

This doctor acts like just because I can get pregnant, I don't have PCOS. Like most doctors, they think PCOS is only Reproductive, but its Metabolic, Reproductive and Endocrinological. It affects ALL systems, and is genetic.

So now, this month, I am spending $300.00 to take a test through 23 and Me, which will test for the following: https://www.23andme.com/health/all/ and when I get the results, I am going to SLAP them into her face, and she like the lack of response in this message, will say NOTHING.

So I have told Alex that I would like for him to come
with me to my next appointment. He agreed he will come with me to my next appointment. But I am going to be creating a Youtube Channel to discuss these sorts of things in addition to this blog. Because woman need to know that when doctors try to tell them their wrong, their RIGHT!

But that is pretty much it to my vent about crappy doctors.

I am now in my 2 week waiting period, feeling confident, but if this month fails, than I give up... I'll probably stop TTC for a while, and just let nature occur.

As the holiday season comes closer, I get excited to maybe think my Holiday gift will be finding out I am pregnant, but we will see where this goes.

*baby dust to all*



PCOS Rant

Just because I am optimistic about my condition and wanting another child, does not mean I don't stuff the pain away inside. I am grateful for my daughter Gabriella, and she is my world, but I want to add to my family, and have been actively trying since April to have a child, and it just isn't possible. Several Miscarraiges, and 6 losses later, I am trying to be optimistic. 

I try to be happy and advocate for PCOS to all woman of the world. I am trying to not stress wanting a child, and enjoy life. But PCOS sucks. There are days I break down and cry. There are days I scream. 

There are days I envy others who have children. Because having a child is not the easiest thing to accomplish. Making comments about how I should stop trying and enjoy it, does not make it possible. I have to take medication and constantly think about my PCOS. 

I am constantly reminded either by Metformin and Synthroid, or my weight, or even BBT Temping that I have this condition. It just isn't as easy as people make it sound. You can't just have sex and have a child. I hold No Envy towards those who do have children, I just don't like my condition that I am constantly reminded of. 

I am strong. I have PCOS, but PCOS does not have me. But I have my weak points and moments too. So next time you want to ask why I can't loose weight, or why TTC is not easy for Alex and I, or when were going to have another child, think about this. Food for thought. #thoughtfortheday

Remembererance.....





Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 


A day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles at 7:00 p.m.


6 Candles lit at 7:00pm.


Stillbirths:
Kayleigh Marie Faith. 20 Weeks. 2008.05.02.



Miscarraiges:
1 in 2007
1 in 2008
1 in 2009
1 in 2010
1 in 2011



Yes, these are all children. Precious children, all loved and wanted. That is why it is important to celebrate such a day. Celebrate their life's. Even more so, because their with the Lord, and no amount of mourning can make you miss them any less. That is why it is so important to celebrate this day. To stop the stigma of "hush hush" on the babies death. Sure, talking about it does not help, or make it hurt any less, but they should be celebrated and rejoiced, because there is not a moment they don't pop into your memory.


I love all of my children, whether known, or unknown, whether male or female. Their in the Lords home. I celebrate and rejoice. I remember. Until I meet them one day again.


Always In My Heart. ♥

Aunt Flow Decided She'd Come... After 70 day Hiatus...

Alex and I tried to BD 2 nights ago, and it felt like he was literally breaking my cervix. It was quite painful. We managed, but I was wondering what the deal was. After talking to my friends who also have PCOS, it was decided that AF was going to be coming soon. Atleast, that was a more common sign for AF. So I expected her appearance. Just not as quickly as she did. And not as painful either. These cramps are the WORST pain EVER. I feel like someone is literally stabbing my vag, and feel as though its bruised. I just wanted to update... 70 cycle days later, and she decided to come off her hiatus and visit me... So now I start a new cycle, and see if this one is semi regular...

2 Months, And Nothing...

Well... I suppose kicking aunt flow out of town was what did the trick...
All jokes aside, this is the struggle we face with PCOS. I was regular for 4 months, and than out of no where, no visits from aunt flow. I'm NOT pregnant. I  have been checked many times. I decided to really tell what my charts are doing, I needed to merge them back together...

This is what it looks like currently:


This is very frustrating. You can see that we have not been TTC for a while, we kind of gave up and decided to take a break. I was sick and tired literally, between college, working 2 jobs, and cleaning the house and taking care of my child, and Alex started his new job at Alpine Access and Gamestop, so we have been fairly busy, but I must admit, I miss snuggle time. I'm thinking of spicing things up...

I have an Endocrinologist Appointment on 10-22 at 8am, and a high risk OBGYN appointment at 2pm on 10-22. At both, I am going to discuss the options of Provera so that I can get my period, and either Clomid/Femera or Vitex.

Everything I have read said do not take Vitex with Clomid or Femera, so I am obviously not going to do both. I wonder if Vitex is a more natural route.