Ultrasound Appointment

I am so eagerly excited for this appointment coming up. Not because I am pregnant, but because I am curious to see how my female organs look like after 1 year of Metformin, and regular cycles not on birth control. I have my next ultrasound appointment on June 3rd at 1045am, and I am really excited to see what everything looks like. I did have to be very insistent with the doctor though, she didn't want to give me another ultrasound and I told her, I am curious what the difference is after a year of treatment. I will be seeing my Endocrinologist on July 2ed, and will be having lab work done before July 2ed, so sometime in June to check my hormone levels. It should be interesting.

Naturopathic Doctor Visit

So I saw my Naturopathic Doctor today for 2 hours. Let me just say it was truly nice to have some one sit there and be so patient and non judgmental. I really wish I had done this sooner!

It was also nice to have someone knowledgeable in clotting disorders and MTHFR, and agree with me on the NO FOLIC ACID. 

She is making some recommendations about small changes in diet and is going to review my 23andMe stuff that MTHFR support reviewed and make some changes with supplements and such. She is placing me on a 100% natural colloidal multi vitamin which has the l-methylfolate in it, and she is also going to be working on my detox issues, as well as the other things I addressed. 

She is starting small, with a few changes in diet and exercise, and she is going to target the chronic fatigue first and manage stress and then will tackle other issues and goal is to get me healthy again and feeling great. 

It is nice to know they work with you financially too. They offer a sliding scale fee, and so I qualified for 50% off, and so instead of paying $250 for an initial consult, they allowed me to pay $125, and then its obviously 50% off each visit in the future, which for me, would be $90.00, so 50% of 90.00 is $45.00. 

The supplement that I am going to be starting is called PureOne Multivitamin, and they even offer a 10% off of the cost every first Tuesday of the month which is nice. And they DO offer insurance, through Cigna and Harvard Pilgrim, but other than that, visits are out of pocket, but they work with you.

I am so glad I found this naturalpathic clinic! :) I wish I had sooner.

This Mothers Day...




To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

I'm Engaged!!! :)


How Amazing it is that this blog is titled "Unexpected Miracles of Life" and this topic fits right into the title of the blog. 

I have learned a deep lesson today, and that is to always expect the unexpected, because God will always show you the way... Even if it is not in your time, God will provide you an answer, eventually...

I used to think that Love at first sight didn't exist... but boy was I wrong..

Love at first sight is something that most think is silly or doesn't exist.

It is a strong, romantic attraction for someone you just met, and barely know.

I'm not sure if it was fate that caused it, or if someone had other plans... but either way, there was such an emotionally intimate connection between Chuck and I.

I never thought that I'd find myself in the situation I was in, so soon. I had just gone through a mutual break up from a relationship that lasted two years and had been very rough. After my break-up, I found my hobby that I LOVED.

January 3rd 2013, I was hired as an on air personality for Blade Radio which is essentially a DJ.

Upon joining the teamspeak server, I met Corey, who went by Incinerator. I kept asking him when "Mystic" which was Chuck's online alias, would be around. Chuck's position at Blade Radio was Operations Manager, and so he was my "direct supervisor" and he was the one who would be interviewing me and deciding if I would be eligible to be hired.

I clicked on his avatar... and asked Corey if those were really his blue eyes, or if it was photoshopped, and he was all "Nah his eyes were photoshopped he really has brown eyes" I remember asking when he would be around to do an interview, and Corey replied "Probably late, like 2am" and so I waited.

And so the interview went on... As a part of my interview, and a requirement to join staff, I was asked to "sing" because some listeners would want to hear that on air, and so the first thing that popped into my head was "Call me maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson, because my four year old daughter had been singing it. At the end of the interview, an innocent flirting remark opened my ears. He responded with "What was that number again?" and at first, I ignored it, but then it got me thinking...

The month went on, and innocent flirting turned into hours and hours of talking. Feeling like I could tell him absolutely anything and everything without being judged. Unconditional love. Something I never thought was possible.

In my past relationships, I thought love was being hit or beaten, because that was what I was used to, so it was strange to finally be listened to, and loved for who I was. I liked it.

At first, I was not sure if it was love, or lust, or if it was something other than that, because to be honest, neither he nor I were looking for a relationship at the time, and the feeling just felt almost too good to be true... but I took a chance.

I knew regardless of the response I got, I was still going to make a trip to Cleveland to meet him, because anyone could be anyone online, and I wanted to see if it was real. And I am so glad I did make that trip.

As we talked, and I confessed my love for him, something I did not normally do, as I was not the one who generally admitted to feelings and asked guys out... I did not like the response given that day. He tried to push me away because he was scared and going through a lot in his life. I respected that, and I told him I was not going anywhere, and regardless was still going to visit him. 

Later that week, during a Skype conversation, we were talking and he called me his girlfriend. My mouth dropped. I could not believe it. I asked him what that meant for us, and he said "It means were official" and I asked confused "What made you change your mind?" and he responded "I don't know, something felt different, I could finally be myself around you and I figure what the heck, you’re not going anywhere so why not?"

Valentine’s Day 2013, he drove 12 hours from Cleveland, Ohio to Manchester, NH to pick me up. The plan was to stay Feb 14th - 19th and arrive back home on February 20th.

Part of me didn't believe that he would actually make that trip, but he did... Those 12 hours, were a bit awkward, silent, and spent randomly talking about things... but I was so happy to be away from everything and with him finally. During those days, I felt total contentment with him. It just felt right. 

Based on how we felt with each other, during such a deep, intimate, emotional connection, that was so strong, we decided that we would continue our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.

We confessed that we do both want to get married someday and have children, and he admitted that he wanted to make me his future wife, when the time was right. Things were just so perfectly right. No words could describe it. Leaving was very hard to do. I did not want to leave.
I returned home on February 21st, and it was one of the hardest things to do, but I told myself I’d be back…

And I did return back… I traveled out to see him again in March. The second time leaving, on March 17th, was by far the most emotional. I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay with him, because of how comforted and peaceful I felt. I cried the entire way home, but told myself that I would be back soon, and I would be. April 5th-17th.

Each time, I continued to go out to see him, and continued to travel to and from NH, a connection grew between us, more and more. We couldn’t explain it, other than there was a divine intervention in the works, and it was so amazing…


Some say a soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. In that sense, When I feel safe enough to open the locks, my trust steps out and I can be completely and honestly who I am; I can be loved for who I am and not for who I'm pretending to be. Each connection unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around that connection, with that one person I feel safe in my own paradise.


It is said to recognize a soul mate you can do so by the supreme level of comfort and security that you feel with that person. I feel that extreme level of comfort and security when I am around Chuck and with him.
The extreme emotional connection with that person that is unexplainable. And it is unexplainable. It is such a deep intimate and emotional connection that one cannot understand unless they have been there before and have their own soul mate. It is so much more than love. It is that of a deeper connection. It is an agape type of love...



The Bible Says Agape is the highest form of love amongst the four types of love in the Bible. Jesus Christ showed this kind of divine love to his Father and to all humanity and has professed all human beings to show "agape" towards each other. A soul mate is just that. An Agape type of love. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that may or may not come up or remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means knowing intuitively that together, I can resolve issues with that particular person without losing that love and respect.
This is the type of love I have been feeling the last three months, and it is amazing. It’s not about looks that make you the cutest couple. It’s about the personality, the strength, the way you make each other feel, and so much more. 



I cannot even explain the feeling I get when I am around him or talking to him. True love. On an emotional, and intimate level... that is what I was looking for, and I finally got an answered prayer... total contentment... total trust.... total commitment.... total love... for both myself, and my daughter... and looking back to that day, I am so glad I told him how I felt, and took that chance, because he might have never been mine...

Which brings me to now…

Chuck and I have been having some tribulations… in our life… some things that are very serious, and unfortunately, I can’t go into details and won’t go into details about them at this time, but I just could not seem to find comfort any other way, and so I turned to the one person who I prayed to originally, to show me love and guidance, and asked him the same thing.

I prayed to God and asked him to provide me strength, comfort, guidance, and love, and to show me what was right, and guide me along the way, as to what he wanted for me. I asked him to watch over Chuck and his brother, and the children’s mother, and asked him to show us all what we needed with our lives… and then I went to sleep… after hours of praying…

I had a dream… and in that dream, God spoke to me… and he told me to trust him, and to ask Chuck to marry me… and trust that he had a plan for both of us… and I thought at first, it was a very strange plan…

The last time I had heard God talk to me, was when I was facing a homeless situation, of paying rent, or paying my electricity in Ft Myers, and God had very blatantly told me to pay the electric and trust him, and so I did…

Anytime God speaks to me, I do as he says, because I fear consequences, but I just thought it was a little odd that he was asking me to ask Charles to marry me, because generally it is a guy asking a girl, but considering the odds against us at the moment, I said, why not…

So I spent all day creating a youtube video and you can see it here:



And after showing this video to Charles, he responded with:

April... April... April... what am I going to do with you" and I said "That’s a fully loaded question" and I say "why" and he says "well, this lovely woman sent me a youtube video, and I watched it a few times, and cried" and then he goes "you always have a way to put me on the spot... there is no way I can top that proposal... but I've got a lifetime to try"

And so I asked him, is that a yes? And he said… one moment…

And he hopped onto the team speak server and announced it to everyone… that we were engaged, and I was his fiancée…

I’m so happy… it’s been so long since I’ve been engaged, and never have I ever felt this happy… with anyone… and It would make me nothing more than happier than to Marry Charles, because he truly is the man of my dreams, and I thank God for the answered prayers he gave to both of us…

So that’s pretty much our story… 


International Bereavement Day for Mothers...


Something no mother should have to go through.... ever...
Bereaving their child, that they lost...


This photo says it all, doesn't it?

As mothers, we never want to loose our children... 
And for those lost, we still think about them...
We still remain strong... 
We have experienced the unthinkable, and still able to walk...

International Bereaved Mothers Day was created to remind people about the true meaning of Mother’s Day. Do you know who started it? 

Anna Jarvis officially founded the traditional Mother’s Day to honor her mother who experienced the death of 7 of her children and somehow through the years it has turned into a commercialized mess that card companies make millions of dollars from, but the worst thing is that bereaved mothers are completely forgotten. 

This day was created in honor of a bereaved mother. So I think it is time to take our day back to its roots. I believe we can do this by using our voices in a peaceful, loving way. To receive love, you must first give love.

The traditional Mothers Day has proven to be an emotionally difficult day for so many mothers around the world. Mother’s Day needs to be healed and together we can heal it. Inter-nation Bereaved Mother’s Day is a temporary movement. 

We take part in this day to use our voices to speak up and about what the true meaning of Mother’s Day. It is our greatest hope that sometime in the near future all mothers will be remembered and recognized and there will be no need for this day at all.

On this day each year we come together to celebrate our connection, our babies and children and our hope for the future. We look at their ultrasound photos, polish their urns, lay flowers at their graves, visit special places and light candles in their memory.

Sunday May 5th 2013, get together with your closest friends and family who understand and celebrate you. Celebrate your babies and children. And lets speak about the true meaning of Mother’s Day.



Please do check out Project Heal by Carly Marie, she is amazing and an inspiration.




5 years...


5 years… that’s how long it’s been….
May 2ed 2008, at 02:48am
Some say it gets easier with time, but I disagree…
It was the moment my life changed forever…
The moment that I had become a mother for the first time, and a heart mom…
and the moment that very life had been ripped away…
23 weeks… You were so very small and fragile…
I can remember I was so scared to hold or touch you…
I was so afraid to love you, and to lose you…
And then you were ripped away from me…
And I ask God why?
Why take a child from someone who wants one so very much, and then give them infertility instead?
Why deal with all the battles, and repeated losses? Why can’t my body do what a normal woman’s does?
Why are children conceived by the very miracle, and then ripped and taken away from their mothers arms?
You were so precious, and are still so precious, and my heart aches from loosing you..
But I wanted you to know that Kayleigh, I still love you so much, and I am so glad you chose me to be your mommy.
I often wonder what you would look like. I often try to think of how you would act, playing with your sister Gabriella… I often think about how if you were here, how I’d braid your long hair, and tickle you until you were begging me to stop… and I wonder how I’d get through going to school, and dealing with friends, and boys…
When you grieve the loss of a child, the nightmare never really ends… time still stands still, and you still struggle… every year that passes, every year I get older… every year I still miss you, and still wonder…
I’m so sorry there was not something that could have been done to save you Kayleigh…
I love you so very much… I just hope you know that...