A New Beginning, A New Cycle...

So last month was not our best, we will admit that.

We ended July & Early August with Devastating News that we lost our baby.

We were told to wait 1 cycle before resuming Clomid.

If you recall, June 27-July 1st, we had our first round of Clomid 50mg.

I had a vacation to Cleveland from July 5-15th which was planned around time of ovulation.

I also had my vacation to Disney from July 24-July 30th.

It was a nice getaway...

I had a few signs and symptoms of pregnancy, and struggled with doctors, namely OBGYN to give me progesterone despite me being deficient in it. I also struggled to have a Hematologist give me Lovonox.

I strongly and firmly believe that if I had progesterone, I would still be pregnant.

I also believe that if I had Lovonox, I would still be pregnant.

It bothers me that I lost my child, but what can I do?

Time heals all wounds, and I'm not willing to give up.

I may get angry and say "If I experience another miscarriage, I'm getting my female organs removed" but that's just hormones talking. Thats grief, and frustration talking. Something I've wanted for almost 2 years now, is so hard to get, and its frustrating.

But... I don't give up... I have hope, because that is all that I can cling onto...

So one cycle has gone by, and Aunt Flow graced me with her timely presence this month.

I start my 100mg of Clomid Cycle 5-9, which is Friday 9-13 to Wednesday 9-18.

We're trying really hard to get a visit planned for my birthday this month, around time of ovulation, possibly September 20th-25th, but we shall see how that goes.

I'm taking my time healing, by making myself feel and look beautiful. I am cutting my hair to shoulder length. I am highlighting it, and I am getting a boudoir session done to make myself feel and look good, and to get something to give my wonderfully amazing fiancee, who has been nothing but supportive of me.

I got recent labs done, and things look... interesting.

I meet with my Endocrinologist on 9-16 and 9-23 to discuss these.

My TSH has still been struggling, and my liver enzymes are elevated.

I plan to discuss getting a liver ultrasound to see what is causing the issues with my elevated liver enzymes, because my CRP has also been elevated. I know that with Insulin Resistance, Obesity, and Hashimotos, as well as Diabetes that I am at risk of non alcoholic fatty liver disease, but my grandfather died from liver disease, and so I figure that I'd rather be safe than sorry. 

I am also going to discuss switching my Synthroid to WP Thyroid, because its clearly not helping. I am also going to be discussing Adrenal Fatigue or issues with my Adrenal glands with my Endocrinologist, because my AM Cortisol was low. My ACTH was normal, but low, and my PM Cortisol was normal, but high. I match almost ALL the symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue, but need to rule out Addisons Disease. Hormonal issues SUCK! I suppose I should be used to them by now though with PCOS huh?

I'm still working on loosing weight. We're going to be looking to get our YMCA Membership back. We placed it on hold on May 18th, but now have to speak to the membership director to see about reinstating it.

But the good news is I am down 4 pant sizes! I can fit into size 20W now, and I was 24W. Not sure where the weight is coming off, but um... I need to work harder to shed pounds, so until then, I will be working on weight loss at home with exercises and such to try to loose weight while we are waiting.

I have been busy with finding apartments. I am settled on an apartment called Windsor Place in Mentor on the Lake, Ohio. We have as a back up, Lakeway Woods, which is another great complex.

Moving date is November 3-4th which makes me nervous, but excited. We have conquered long distance, and made things work!

We also agreed on some things, when discussing them, but would need to sit down and discuss and finalize them more. We picked our wedding date for September 20th 2014. 

We also decided that if we can not find a provider willing to do a water birth because of my "high risk" that we would be willing to labor at home, unassisted, and deliver, with the assistance of a midwife, and support team, BUT that the baby would get medical attention following birth, which is okay by me! We also agreed that if it is found too risky, due to something going on with the baby in utero, that we would compromise, do a hospital birth, as long as its 100% natural, and they have water tubs for relaxation. So we got somewhere... Now just to tackle the circumcision issue, because that's something that he and I did not agree upon, because of difference in opinions... I don't want our child circumsized, but he does, due to religious and cleanliness reasons... but we will tackle that debate another time...

We did also plan out that if Clomid doesn't work after 3 cycles, I would get an ultrasound to evaluate my uterine lining. I also agreed to re-do my HSG and HSG Sono, and then try Femera. He is okay with undergoing fertility testing as well, and we plan to do a Genetic Test called Counsyl to see what risks we could carry to hand down to our children, or future children...

I think the big thing is getting progesterone, and so I am going to show my doctor that my progesterone was low, and hopefully get some progesterone. I also feel that if Clomid and Femera don't work after 6 cycles total, that we should look at IUI with trigger shots, and then if not pregnant by 2015, we would look at IVF. He agreed with this plan...

So thats pretty much it...

Hoping that Clomid 100mg works this time.