Pain... I thought You Went Away....

I thought that after I had the surgery for my Endometriosis that the pain would go away with my periods and they would no longer be excruciating. I thought wrong apparently. I just feel so helpless and don't know what else to do. I spend my days it seems like popping pain pills, sleeping the day away and somehow pulling myself up enough to work, when I am able to.

Right now, I have no job. I left Support.com in January because I had a fever of 105, and they gave me the choice, my job, or resign and go to the ER. Because of my sick rules with Addisons, and because I was vommitting and lethargic, I had to go to the ER... and so I placed my resignation in after carefully thinking about it. It was tax season, and I could survive for 3 months with no job off of my tax return money. 

And that is what I am presently doing, trying to survive... Its frustrating sometimes because employers don't understand what it is like... when you are a single mother, trying to work full time with chronic health issues and make ends meet. It is frustrating, because its like, if they were in my shoes, then maybe they would be more sympathetic but they are not. So what do they care... anyway, I digress...

So, I had my period. I ended up in fetal position. No pain meds were helping. I wanted to quite literally die. But I couldn't let my child see me this way... so I summoned the strength up and sent a message to the fertility specialist who did my surgery back in October and asked her why I still have pain and if she would provide pain meds...

Her response:

"Well, you refuse to supress the endometriosis. You refuse treatment with hormones due to pre-existing conditions and clotting disorders. You refuse Lupron claiming that its just a patch and chemotherapy which you refuse to take. What do you expect to happen? The adhesion's likely came back because I only did an ablation as I am not an excision specialist. I can refer you to the Chronic Pelvic Pain Clinic and see what they wish you to have done and can refer you to Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor Dysfunction"

Me... frustrated... 

I thought an ablation got rid of the endometriosis...

I have to wonder what the hell is going on in my body right now...

And pelvic floor dysfunction? Really?

*frustrated*

Theres not much difference in what Chronic Pelvic Pain Clinic can do for me...

I already am in physical therapy...

I am already in pain management for my chronic back pain (which has no answer as to why I am chronically in pain but I digress)

What else could they really do? Honestly?

And really? Way to make your patient not only feel helpless, but like shit...

I guess I will just have to do farther research and see what I can do... what my options are...

But until then, I get to live with pain, yay.... not