Happy First Birthday, My Son

To my son. Lucius-John Matthew Xavier Blau. Happy first birthday.

Your name is multi meaning. Lucius is Latin for light. You literally were the light to my darkness. John was my brothers name. He died overseas doing his duty to this country in 2011. I wish you could have met him. He would have loved you. He would have been honored to have your name be apart of his. Matthew literally translates to gift from God. And that you are. Xavier means bright. And you are very bright. Lucius has a few meanings behind it. It came from Harry Potter. He was Malfoys father. Lucius is also the male form of Lux. Lux was the first album of the band who I give credit to saving my life every day. In a dream one day, God sent me a messenger and told me it wasn't my time. And I awoke. A month later I was expecting you, my son.

The day you came into my life, was the day you saved me and made me fall in love all over again with the only man I could ever love

Lucius-John. This last year has gone incredibly fast. I only wish I could make time slow down and stand still. You were created with Gods own eye and his masterpiece and he perfected you just the way I used to dream about you.

You my son. Are perfect. I hope you grow up to be a gentleman who never raises his voice or abuses or hurts another individual ever. I hope you learn from my lessons and mistakes and learn from my examples. I hope you protect and love on your sister even though she's older than you. I hope you learn from your Godmother and take her advice. She's a smart woman and she is my baby sister. (Felicia) I hope you live life to its fullest and love harder and stronger than ever. You, are perfection.

I thank God as angry as I get with him sometime for you over and over again each day.

I love you, my son. Happy first birthday. This first year has been a journey and a roller coaster. Between being diagnosed with hemophilia B, an immune deficiency and having severe allergies. You've shown you're a fighter just like. Me and your sister.

I am so blessed that God chose me to be your mother and that your siblings chose you from heaven and that my brother John saw and knew you before I even knew you were in existence.

I am so full of emotions today my son. Not because you're one but because you came after a 5 year battle with infertility when I had given up. I had spend over 25k in treatments.

When doctors told me I couldn't. The ultimate healer made you possible. You were my rainbow and you are and were perfect in every single way. I feel so blessed to have been able to watch you grow up for the last year of your life. You're so smart and handsome. I know God has a plan for you and your sister. You both make me very proud.

Happy first birthday my son. I'll sing you our song, simple man when you get home to me tomorrow.