I presently am sitting here, as I write this. It is December 25th
2014, and I wanted to take time to reflect on 2014 and the year that it
has been. I have had a lot of strengths, weaknesses, gaining, losing,
and growing in 2014. I can honestly look back and say that I have NO
regrets in 2014.
January::
I went into the New Year with a Kiss from Drew. He had came over December 31st, so we would be able to kiss into the new year.
On
January 2ed, I had a doctor’s appointment to get my medications. I
remember it was snowing that day. Drew drove me to Cleveland Clinic
Willoughby. I had gotten my medications for my Auto-Immune Addison’s,
and I had also gotten a Pneumonia Vaccine and TDaP, and so I was a bit
sore.
On the way back, we had been going down 306
(Reynolds) and we had come to a stop, but slid because of the fresh
snow, into the person in front of us, who was parked in an actual road
area, outside a school. Drew's car took damage in the front bumper and
the door. I remember how pissed he was because he got a ticket and the
other guy did not. That taught me a valuable lesson about driving in
Ohio.
We got back home to my house, and I made dinner, and
we showered together, and he was telling me about how he didn't have
his high school diploma. I remember we got onto that topic because we
had been talking about my high school prom. Drew told me the story about
his brother trying to commit suicide, and how they both dropped out,
and he got his GED instead. I remember Drew got out of the shower first.
Drew had then gotten on Skype to talk to his brother. I got out of the
shower, sat in my computer chair, to game, and I was shivering. I was
like "Why am I so cold? It’s not cold in my house" and then took my
temperature and it was 104.5 and I told Drew I needed to lay down
because I felt like my head was going to explode. He had said his
brother and his family had disagreed with our relationship and backed
him into a corner. He had expected me to be there for him, but because I
was so sick, I could not.
I remember getting into fetal
position, breathing heavy, and passing in and out of consciousness. I
got up at one point and went to the freezer to place my head in it,
desperately trying to get colder, because I was literally heating up
alive, internally. The next morning he tried to leave, and I told him
that I needed to go to the ER, so he stayed and watched Gabriella. The
doctor told me that I was extremely dehydrated and this was a reaction
to the vaccine.
I got back to my house late, Drew was
passed out, and I woke him. Gabby was sleeping. I asked him if we were
okay, and he said "I don't know. I need to go home tomorrow" and that
was it. We didn't talk, speak a word, or anything. The next morning, he
packed his bags and left, and I told him "If you walk out that door, you
won't come back" and he left. As he left hastily, he left his insurance
card. I didn't realize it until a few days later when I was cleaning.
January
4th 2014, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. That was on a
Saturday. I texted Drew telling him that we had a problem, with the
picture. We talked for quite a bit at that point, realizing that the
risks of losing this child were higher than not. The following Monday,
January 6th, the pregnancy was confirmed via a Beta HcG, and I was
followed closely. Immediately, I was started on progesterone and
lovonox.
Drew and I had finally sat down to talk that
Wednesday about everything. We accepted that we were not going to
announce to anyone until 10 weeks because by then I'd show a tiny bit,
and It would be obvious and would be a baby. We knew that the likelihood
of miscarriage was high...
I told my best friend Vincent
and he was not supportive of the situation AT ALL, because he knew what
had happened with Drew. As a result of this, I gained another mother
because I started talking to his mother more and more. I was monitored
twice a week at the high risk maternal fetal medicine unit.
Sadly,
I started cramping on January 17th, and went into the ER once I noticed
spotting. I had lost our baby on January 17th 2014, at 5 weeks 6 days,
and it was a little boy. We named him Dominic Andrew. It was a very sad
time in my life, and I felt like my life was out of control.
I
remember that during the middle of all this, my best friend and Wifey
who had disappeared called me randomly at 1am, and we talked and talked
for such a long time. I remember telling her everything that was going
on with Drew and I. I remember telling her I was pregnant.
She
and I joked that Drew had super sperm because I had tried for 2.5 years
with Alex, and failed Femera, Clomid and IUI. Infertility definitely
sucks! She said that this was my miracle baby.
When I
lost the baby, it was the worse feeling in the world. I felt like my
world was collapsing down around me. The date was January 17th. I had
much joy, and then it was taken from me, just like that. I remember
calling baby right away, and telling her. Baby and I made a rule
together. For 90 days, I am not allowed to date, and I am to make a list
of stuff I want to accomplish and focus on me. Turn the negative into
positive, and so that was exactly what I did.
February::
In
February, not too much happened. I remember that I spent Valentine’s
Day alone, but I was totally content being alone. I remember that Drew
got jealous because I didn't need him to make me happy. I was perfectly
content spending time with myself, eating chocolate covered
strawberries, drinking wine, and gaming.
Gaming Drama... Gaming Drama... Gaming Drama...
In
February, a rift occurred with some of my friends. Brian (Karma) got
into it with Lori (Tesla) about something silly, and when Brian falls
hard, he falls. Lori had said something that ticked him off, and he left
Blade Radio for Epic Gamer Radio. So with that, put Jake (Darkhyrd) in
his place as Operations Manager. Somewhere in between, I had told Jake
that I had been harboring a crush on him for many months.... he had
already known this.
After Jake (Darkhyrd) became
Operations manager for Blade, and AFTER he told me he couldn't be with
me or feel for me because of the Donna incident (his ex), he fell in
love with this girl Roula (Rookips). I found out and was far from
thrilled to say the least.
How I found out was because
this guy Ben (3pic) had sent me a message saying "Hey Cass, I need to
show you something but you have to promise not to react" so of course I
promised I wouldn't react, and he shows me a Minecraft conversation
about Jake (darkhyrd) telling Melanie (Bacon) that he has feelings for
Roula (Rookips) and asking her how long it has been obvious for, and
Melanie responded with telling him for quite some time.
Upon
finding out, I immediately responded with "What? I cannot believe this"
and I sent him a message on Facebook asking him if he had something he
had wanted to tell me and if he was lying to me about something. He
responded with "He was gonna tell me in his own time"
Well,
Jake and I have always had some crazy connection where I cannot stay
mad at him for whatever reason. So I got over being angry with him and
became friends with him. Of course at this point, he and Roo started
"dating" but Roula was also in a "complicated" relationship outside the
interwebs with this abusive guy named Michael.
Jake
(Darkhyrd) fell hard for Roo, and he was going to propose to her in game
in IMVU on Valentines Day, when Roo told him to back off. Roo told him
to back off because she was getting confused, was still dating Michael
in real life, and was seriously interested in Brian (Karma) and was
secretly talking to him behind Dark's back.
Roo crushed
Dark's heart, and then we all got together in March. We had been
planning the March event prior to Dark and Roo, and so it was going to
happen regardless. I remember feeling like I was going to not go after
Jake(Dark) said that he and I weren't going to happen. I was dumb,
stupid and naive, and didn't believe that I would fall short to his
heartbreak.
March::
March
was a really amazing month for me. I was blessed financially enough to
be able to go and see the Hottest Chicks in Rock Tour in Joliet, IL. I
took a bus from Cleveland, Ohio to Chicago, IL and then a taxi to the
venue. I stayed in a hotel not far from the venue.
At the
venue, I met Adam Abbot, and was standing directly behind him. Most
amazing time of my life. I got to meet and take a photo with Lacuna
Coil, and Sick Puppies, and was stage side during Sick Puppies. It was
amazing. After, I took the train back to Chicago. It was my first time
taking a train, and it was a lot of fun.
I ended up going
home and joining SPWC and applying as an ambassador on the forums for
Sick Puppies, and I got accepted. It was nice to be apart of the
extended family... and I couldn't get Adam off my mind ironically... I
didn't know his name or didn't get his # that night at the show, but he
found me via the forums, and then on Facebook, and I was happy.
Even
with that, the highlight of the year was probably this vacation... I
wasn't even sure that I was going to go in February because of how angry
I got with Jake....
Vegas::
My
vacation in March went from March 25th through 27th in Vegas, where I
spent time with Brandy, Jay and Adara. Jay is my daughter's father, and I
was trying to be civilized and try to make things work for the benefit
of my daughter. Brandy was his girlfriend at the time. I say was, as in
past tense, because they broke up, but I will get to that, and Adara is
Brandy's 3 year old daughter. The purpose of me going for two days was
to ensure my daughter transitioned well, ensure they knew how to give
her the medications she needs, and make sure that they parented her
alright. I wasn't just going to be irresponsible and leave her with
people she barely knew while I went out to have a good time with
friends. Things were not that awkward, strangely, and we all got along
well.
San Diego::
Than on the 27th,
I flew into San Diego, a day earlier than everyone else, figured I
could give myself a day to relax, and get to know Jake (Dark) before the
rest of the group got there. Things were really well on the 27th.
Jake
picked me up at the airport, showed me around San Diego, we went over
to Coronodo (One of the Navy Bases) and we went to In and Out Burger and
we did a lot of talking, we drove off to the mountains past a place
called Alpine, and then drove back, got some dinner at Denny's and joked
around alot (made perverted jokes like we usually do on Teamspeak) and
then got some alcohol and went back to the hotel to drink. My co-worker
Ryan had drove down to meet up with me briefly, and at this time, I had
alcohol sinking in, so I was starting to feel tired, and so I kicked him
out of the room.
I was text messaging Sherry and Brian
at this point while they were on the road and I told Sherry I was giving
Jake a back rub because his shoulder was bothering him, and she got
"giving Jake a " because her phone got text messages in pieces and she
responded back with "Oh really..." and I was mildly embarrassed, and so I
got teased about that the rest of the night.
After I text
messaged Sherry and Brian, I placed my phone on the charger, and Jake
just sort of looked at me funny, and I was like "What?" and he pushed me
onto the bed and kissed me, and I was like "Oh hey... wow..." and I
kissed him back and then looked at him and went "what was that?"
Jake
and I did end up "doing things" that night (but not alot, because hes
still a virgin, use your imagination, I am sure I don't need to go into
detail) and things just felt right. It didn't feel awkward at all.
Usually a friend with benefit sort of situation feels incredibly awkward
to me, but this felt right. We didn't even know what to call it, nor
were we thinking about calling it anything at this point, we were just
kind of going with things.
We fell asleep in each others
arms that night, and I woke up at 5:30am elbowed Jake going "Hey, Hey,
wake up..." he rolled over going "hmmm?" and I go "What time do you need
to be awake for work?" he goes "hmmm?" and I go "Todays Friday dude,
What time do you have to be at the Navy Base for work?" he goes "What
time is it now?" I go "5:30am" and he tells me to set the alarm for
6:30am, I asked him if he was sure that was enough time to go from Chula
Vista to Point Loma (About a 40 minute drive, mind you, he had to get
dressed in his Naval Uniform and be across town to base as well) and he
says "Hmmm, yeah" and rolls back over and goes to sleep. He was still
mildly drunk at this point, of course.
So, He wakes up an
hour later, I give him a hug, I kiss him, and say goodbye. I ask him if
he is sure hes okay to drive, and he says yes, so I take his word on
it. Later, I find out, he drove through a stop sign, and got a speeding
ticket, and had to go to traffic court as a result. I wanted to KICK HIS
BUTT for that one (LOL) because I asked him and he swore up and down he
was okay with driving to work (He didn't have a choice though really?)
So he goes off to work, and he usually works until 3 or 4pm PST.
In
that time, Brian (Karma) and Sherry (Sugarbear) had shown up at the
hotel. We had all gone over to Denny's for breakfast, and they were
trying to pry out of me what had happened the night before with Jake. I
told them I had gotten so trashed I didn't remember, but we all know how
bad of a liar I am (LOL) and so they were not dumb and knew I wasn't
telling the truth. Eventually, we had goofed off and passed out waiting
for Jake to get ouf of work. We were also waiting for Joshua (Venom) to
get there from Orange County after work (He lives up by Los Angeles area
and so was something like 3 hours away and LA Traffic sucks)
That
night, we all had plans to go down to the bar, it was called "Last
Days" and it was minutes from the base where he stayed, and we were
going to do drunken karaoke. Jake had asked me if it was okay if he
bring a friend along, and I say "Sure, if he's hot" and of course, he
didn't respond to it.
Well, while we were still sitting
around waiting for Josh (Venom) to get there, in the midst of this, I
get a phone call around 5pm PST saying that Jake (Dark) is going to be a
bit late, because he is dealing with Blade Stuff (Jake was the
Operations Manager of Blade, after Brian/Karma left and so he had to
deal with it.)
So I asked Jake what specifically he was
dealing with and he said "Rookips Drama" and I said "Oh, what about?"
and he said "Tesla demoted her from HR and put her on leave, and now she
wants to quit" And I was like "WTF" and so by the time Jake had gotten
to the hotel to fill us all in on what was going on, Sherry said the
smart thing which was "Well, we're NOT here to deal with Blade stuff,
we're here to enjoy ourselves, so lets do that" and so we ended up all
picking who goes in what car and who was the "DD" for the night.
Jake
ended up being the "DD" and I said "I am going with Jake, I have to
talk to him about stuff anyway" and Caleb (Jake's buddy, also known as
Fonz, and he works with Jake in the Navy base, the guy who tagged along
with) said "Alright, I guess I'll go with them" and he hopped in Brian's
car with Sherry, and Brian and Josh had tagged along with them.
We
went to some place close to the bar for burritos prior to going to the
bar, figuring eating before getting drunk was smart. We got some funny
photos and commentary of Jake and Brian eating their burrito (That
sounds just wrong typing that out LOL) and then headed off to the bar,
which was called Last Days where we had a great time.
I
had drank 2 Bicardi Rum and Cokes, and then went onto my first shot of
Tequila ever. I had 3 Tequila's and wanted a fourth, and the guys
refused, saying something about "One tequila, two tequila's three
tequila's floor" and I was swearing up and down that I was coherent and
sober. Jake decides at this point to get me a shot of "Four horseman"
which is four hard liquors (1 part Bourbon whiskey (Jim Beam) 1 part
Tennessee whiskey (Jack Daniel's) 1 part Scotch whisky (Johnnie Walker
Black) and 1 part Irish Whiskey (Jameson) And after having that shot, I
was knocked on my ass (LOL) I could BARELY walk up to do Karaoke with
Sherry..
We (all of us) did Karaoke to Bohemian Rhapsody
and Jake and I sang Evanescence "Bring me to Life" mildly drunk, and I
forget what Sherry and I sang, but it was a fun night.
We
all went back to the hotel that night, and Sherry and Brian shared a
bed (Sugarbear and Karma) and I called dibs on the other bed since I
paid for the hotel room and I told Jake and Josh (Dark and Venom) they
had to fight out who slept in the bed with me.
Jake looked at Josh
and said "You can sleep right there on the floor, the bed is mine with
Cass" (Cassanova is my alias online for the majority of games) So Josh
took the chair/floor on the side of the bed, and Jake dragged me to the
bed.
I fell asleep half drunk in his arms and the next
morning woke up at 11am, to get ready to go hang out with my friend
Daniel who lives in San Diego area (Specifically El Cajon) with his
wife, and three adorable kiddos. I've known him for something like 6-7
years. His family is pretty much my family. I ended up trying my first
Carne Asada and Horchata and he treated. We talked, laughed, and had a
good time. It was awesome to finally be able to meet him after how many
years of knowing him, his wife, and the kids.
I lounged
around the hotel for an hour by myself, and talked to my friend Drew
while the others were out in "Mexicali" as I jokingly called it because
when you go on the base, you loose cellular service, and it sends you a
text message that says "Welcome to Mexico" and your on international
roaming. I guess its something to do with the fighter planes and naval
submariners or whatever going on for training around Loma and Coronodo.
When
they got back, they brought Pizza, and I wasn't feeling very well. I
cuddled up to Jake, and kinda passed out. They watched Anchorman, and
then watched Stepbrothers 2. Brian had never seen Anchorman and it was
legendary and we had to watch it because we were in San Diego, where it
was filmed. Josh lounged in the chair, I laid in the bed in Jake's arms,
and Sherry slept, and we all became lazy.
We all sort of
took it all in, realized that this was our last day together. We had
Skyped with Roula at some point, where we had dared her to eat ice cream
in a sexual manner. She did the dare, to which she countered, she dares
Jake to strip tease singing man I feel like a woman while strip teasing
me. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life, I thought I was
going to die.
Later that night, we went out bowling
downtown. Sherry kicked our ass at bowling, which was expected. Josh
wasn't really feeling it because his back was bothering him, and I was
annoyed and emotional. Jake picked up on something bothering me, and he
kept elbowing me flirtatiously and saying "Cass you know your beautiful
right?" and whispering it in my ear.
When we got back into
his car after a few games of bowling, he drove by the famous KC BBQ
Shak, where my favorite film was filmed (TopGun) and pointed it out, and
said "Cass, this isn't the end you know" and I said "I know, but I just
don't want this to end. This weekend has been amazing. This feels
amazing" and he said to me "I mean to tell you, don't think anything
into it, I make you feel amazing so you know what it feels like to be
treated properly, because every woman deserves that, you deserve that,
because your special to me Cass" and I cried a little bit.
We
stopped, we grabbed alcohol, and of course, Jake grabbed Tennessee
Honey. I grabbed Smirnoff. Brian grabbed Smirnoff. Josh grabbed
Hypnotiq. Sherry grabbed Tennessee Honey and we all went back to the
hotel to have a great time. I realized it was just after midnight. I had
a 5am flight, and it probably was not wise for me to get drunk.
Meanwhile,
Jake couldn't drink because he had to drive me to the airport in the
morning. Josh had finished his. Brian had finished his Smirnoff, and was
totally trashed on it, and Sherry was enjoying her stuff keeping to
herself. Brian was totally gone off of a pint of Vodka. I mean, totally
gone. He was trying to blow fire from a lighter. I had to fight him for
his lighter and I said something like "No, You will NOT blow flames from
that lighter, you will not set this hotel on fire, you will SIT on that
bed little boy and you will sit there and be quiet" and at that point
Sherry took him outside to try to sober him up. He came back in, and I
had offered my Vodka, and of course he jumped on it. I had already
opened my Vodka, and he tried to open an already open vodka bottle, and
spilled it all over my chest, and I said "Gee thanks Brian, for the
spill down my chest" to which he replied "Let me lick it up?" and we
just LOL'd for like 5 minutes over it.
After everyone had
passed out, I woke up at 3am, got ready by 330 and was packing my stuff
by 4am, and Brian had staggered out of the bed to the bathroom. I was
thinking in my head of something my stepdad had done when he was drunk
(He had gotten so drunk one night where he had walked past the bathroom
went onto the porch and pulled his pecker out and pissed on the porch
and then came in wondering why it was cold lol) and I was thinking Oh
thank God he made it to the bathroom.
Well, just as I
thought that, Brian came out of the bathroom, and he dropped his
drawers, pulled his pecker out and pissed in a trashcan, and I was
FREAKING OUT. I screamed "OMG PUT IT AWAY PUT IT AWAY PULL YOUR PANTS
UP!" and I couldn't stop laughing and he just sat there doing his
business like "What" lol. It was hilarious.
The next
morning, I ended up saying goodbye to Jake. We were both very tired, and
emotional, so he dropped me off, and said Goodbye, and he ended up
going to base to sleep. I ended up boarding my flight from San Diego to
Texas, and I slept the entire way. I kept smiling thinking and hearing
Jake tell me "Smile, your beautiful" I will admit, it was a nice feeling
to be told how beautiful I am.
Texas::
In
Texas, I spent time with my best friend/wifey Bella, and her husband
Chris, and their kids. She has 3 kids. Noah, Lily and Zachary. We
watched Walking Dead, and we had a good time. I think we did some back
yard work, and we had gotten drunk once the kids were in bed too. I
drank something like 8 Smirnoff Screwdrivers, 3 shots of Yager (To which
her husband Chris responded with You like the hard stuff because you
only flush with this and this is hard stuff) and 5 Margaritas with
Tequila in them, and I was still coherent and sober at this point.
However, I will say that I opened a vodka that was already opened LOL!
So many memories from that trip...
Returning Home::
The
next morning, my vacation came to an end. I went from Texas to Vegas to
grab my daughter (I was mildly hung over, had a headache going on,
slept the flight from Texas to Vegas and felt fine after) and then Vegas
to Cleveland.
My friend Drew picked Gabby and I up at the
airport. Drew and I have history (If you don't recall, he and I dated
from Dec 11th til Jan 2ed, I found out I was pregnant with his child Jan
6th, and lost the child Jan 17th at 5 weeks 3 days pregnancy) but he
and I remained friends/fwb's if you want to call it that.
Drew
and I weren't official, so I figured what happened on vacation in San
Diego was TOTALLY normal and I was so happy to just get home and be in
my own house, in my own bed again. It was the longest flight of my life.
Drew
asked me what happened on my vacation, and I told him about San Diego,
and what happened in Texas and how I almost had a threesome with Bella
and Chris, and he was not happy about this AT ALL. In fact, he got so
mad at me, he gave me the silent treatment the ENTIRE WAY home.
He
slept over that night, left the next morning, and we fought that entire
day, and he decided to come over after work to work things out. We
determined that he wanted me to be his, and he loved me still, so he
asked me to be his girlfriend. Hesitantly, because of my feelings for
Jake (Darkhyrd) I said yes, and then he had sex with me. The next
morning, he ditched me. Told me he couldn't trust me because of what
happened on vacation and that was that.
April::
Over
the next few weeks in April, I leaned on Jake a bit more. Things were
going good, but then he lost his uncle. He told me to "back the fuck off
and leave him alone" and so I did.
Prior to this point,
he and I had already discussed me coming to San Diego in June to visit
him before he deploys. I had gotten time off from work approved and
everything like that, and so I couldn't cancel everything. We didn't
talk for an entire two weeks in April, and I made him sit down the last
weekend in April and talk to me.
We talked for 6 hours,
and he ended up just letting it all out to me. It turned out that Jake
had no feelings for me romantically at all, and he was just trying to
find happiness, which he admitted to me. It hurt hearing that, but I
forgave him. Karma and Roo were over at Epic Gamer and things were going
good for them. They were even a couple.
May::
In
May, Tesla took a power hungry strike saying that Jake never did
anything on time (when he was the only one around anyway) and she had
issues with Tana (the teamspeak server where Blade was) and tried to
forcefully move MERC to a new teamspeak server as well as Blade. .
Jake,
Melanie and I had issues with her doing this. Especially where she said
Jake didn't do anything, which I called her out on, and she tried to
say that I just stuck up for him because of our past history which was
also bull. So basically, at this point, we all put our resignation into
Blade Radio.
Blade Radio fell to the shambles when we
left. They're actually currently trying to maintain themselves, but
barely hanging on. Since then, Jake and Melanie started their own radio
station called Phoenix Radio, and I have moved over to Epic Gamer Radio
with Karma and Roo, Complex, Midknight and Bishop. I am their web
developer and I am also an on air personality and in productions with
Karma and I am also doing promotions. I have a lot of band connections.
June::
In
the last week of May, Jason and Brandy broke up over Secondlife. Brandy
met some guy online in SL and she fell in love with him. He lives in
Texas. She had plans to meet him in August at this point, but she has
now moved to Texas to live with him and is happy. Jason has since then
back home to Oregon with his family and his sister.
Because
of this sad and unfortunate news in June,. I had to modify my plans for
vacation slightly. Jason was to get Gabby from June 5th through July
31st, but because of this breakup, and his lack of stability, he no
longer got her, and so my mother decided to take her.
So
in June, I went on my vacation to San Diego to see Jake. I spent the 5th
of June to 7th of June in Florida with my mother, stepdad and
grandmother and dropped Gabby off with my mother, and then I went to San
Diego from the 7th to the 17th. In those ten days, I spent a lot of
time alone.
San Diego Pt 2::
I
spent the 7th and 8th with Jake. We went to KC BBQ Shak and enjoyed BBQ
Pulled Pork and Beer, and then went to see the 3D Version of Xmen Days
of Future Past. Sunday we went for a drive into the mountains again and
talked. We realized that there was nothing between us anymore, that we
were just friends, and slowly started to become more distant. Monday,
didn't see each other. Tuesday went for Ice Cream and then didn't see
each other. Wednesday, didn't see each other. Thursday I was busy with
my friend Daniel (I mentioned him in the first trip, he has a wife and
three kids, I've known them for a long time, they are my second family)
and Friday I saw Jake because he had to drop me off downtown in Old Town
to catch a Train to Fullerton, CA for a concert.
Fullerton::
That
night was probably one of the best in that vacation. I went to
Fullerton to see Eyes Set to Kill, and meet up with my friend Anissa and
Alexia from ESTK. Then I went back to the hotel and spent time with
Joshua *(Venom from MERC)* and we had a great night laughing and hanging
out. In the morning, he a
nd I went and got breakfast at Dennys and hung
out for a bit, and then he dropped me off at the train station to go
back to San Diego.
Back to San Diego I Go::
When
I got to San Diego, Jake picked me up and we hung out that Saturday and
then that Sunday he had to pack. That Saturday we went to lunch
together. We went to Olive Garden and had laughs, and then he took me to
the beach so I could put my feet in the Pacific Ocean and then on
Sunday we went out to eat at some restaurant called Oggis, and had a few
laughs. We threw our straw wrappers at each other like kids. It was
hard to say goodbye to him thinking he was deploying in September... but
he had news... at the end of my visit, he told me that he had be
en
re-stationed to where he was at that time to do training. I wanted to
kill him. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry but I was happy he was
there and not deploying... little did I know what was going to happen
the next month...
July::
In
July, Sherry dated this guy named Devin and Devin caused a bunch of
drama. He pissed alot of people including me off. Jake and Sherry
decided they didn't want me in their life. So what happened is they
blocked me and deleted me on Facebook and sent me some not so nice
texts. Tana banned me from Teamspeak, but also banned Devin for a year.
Said too much drama on the server... .
I had to realize
that starting over, after losing the friends you had so long is never
easy.... but I've been doing okay. I hit my rock bottom during that week
period, and then pulled myself out of it. I realized that some people
are in your life for reasons, seasons or a lifetime. There is a poem
about this, but it basically fit 110% the situation. I moved on and left
them behind.
At the end of July, I saw Gemini Syndrome
& Sevendust. It was AMAZING. I had not seen them since I saw them in
2011 at the bar in Los Angeles, CA. Definately an amazing end to July. I
got to meet them after the concert and it was amazing.
August::
In
August, I had to travel back to Florida to get Gabriella. Jason was
originally supposed to do this, but I had to. So I got 1 week of FMLA
off of work.
On the way down, I stopped in Louisville, KY
and I saw Sick Puppies and was a VIP. Most memorable times because I
got to meet Mark Janeski, and Adam Abbot, both who were really good
friends of mine. Adam and I met at the Hottest Chicks in Rock Tour
Concert in Joliet, IL in March, so it was nice to reunite and actually
meet Mark as he and I became close, and ACTUALLY have a conversation
with Adam, and talk to him. He and I stood next to each other at the
front of the stage. Mark and I had good conversations too. I'll never
forget the moment I met them both. I was walking down the street and
Google Maps gave me an address. Mark told me to look up, I literally
looked up going how the hell did they get there? Adam shook hios head
and was like I don't know you. Mark laughed alot. I laughed alot too.
The concert was amazing. We were all nicknamed "railrats" and I had so
much fun.
From there, I got back on a Greyhound, to head
down to Florida. A 20 hour ride took nearly 30. I don't know what the
bus driver was doing, but she was doing something crazy.
I
stopped in Palatka, Florida and had the pleasure of meeting Adam
DeGreenia, my friend known as "Kira" from Debauchery. He and I had an
amazing night together. He worked for a movie theater, and had the keys,
and so we went and watched "Guardians of the Galaxy" and had the entire
theater to ourselves. He also showed me how the movie things work, and
it was actually quite nice. He and I had an amazing night together.
From
there, I returned to the Greyhound to pick my daughter up, and we ended
up travelling through Atlanta, and it brought back memories. It
actually was quite long of a trip, not too sure why it took so long, but
it was nice to be home.
August 27th, I met DJ... we
started playing League, and hanging out a lot... He was a decent guy...
but little did I know when he would hang that he would friend zone
me...
September::
Labor
day weekend, another Debauchery friend came to visit me. His name is
Andrew Cunningham, and he lives like 3 hours away from me on the WV
border. He and I used to joke all the time about how close WV was to OH.
I am challenged geographically, so... it was funny for them to find out
that I didnt realize how close WV to OH was. We pretty much hung out,
watched an anime he liked, talked about his graphic stuff, and his
convention he went to, we talked about random things, went out to Olive
Garden for dinner, and we watched a movie called "Divergence" on TV. It
was alot of fun. Oh, yeah, the anime was called Ruby. I liked it alot.
At
the end of September was my birthday. I turned 25 year, and I felt old,
haha. I didnt do much for my birthday. I went to go get Pumpkin
Blizzard from Dairy Queen... but I was content with that... and I was
okay spending my birthday with my daughter, and I wouldn't have it any
other way... I met Ed Racketta in September... and he and I would talk
regularly... he told me that he was going to go to the GS Concert in
Kent... I pretty much begged him to take me, as a late birthday gift,
and he did... buit I had to wear Steelers Pride for a week... Ugh. I
cant believe he did that, but it was worth it in the end....
October:
October
showed me driving lessons... I almost had my license too, but I failed
maneuverability... I was so close... but I am
directionally challenged... so October showed me that I need to have
more patience and not let my anxiety get to me...
October
also was amazing because I met Ed. It was a Friday, October 25th. I
NEEDED that more than anything else. I NEEDED that concert more than
anything else too. It was amazing to start the "duck the whole
conspiracy" thing with Aaron, GS and the Synner family.
So
with the concert, Ed and I show up at the venue. We get there around
5:23pm EST. We park next to a dumpster (LOL) on the other side of the
venue. The guy pulls in to the right of us, and he is rocking out to
Gemini Syndrome. The way you know your an Original Synner/True Synner is
when you can hear the music THROUGH the car but still know the song
with the first line played before the lyrics. So I start jamming as
well.
So we go to the other side, where guys are loading
off. We find Aaron and Brian just chilling. I look at Ed, I go, Oh No,
I'm shaking, I'm so nervous, he laughs and goes, it will be fine, I go,
no, you don't understand, these guys are my idols. He laughs.
So
we go right over to Aaron, and I go "Hey Aaron, "Duck the whole
conspiracy" and he goes "No, Its FUCK the whole conspiracy" and I go "No
Man, its "duck the whole conspiracy. Synner Circle sent us out to
complete a Synner Mission. Duck the whole conspiracy. He looked at me
strange, and I show him the bag. I then tell him "Its all because you
wore those duck PJs on Tour" and he laughs and goes "yeah I still have
those" and then smiles, and I go "So we brought you ducks" and we give
him our two ducks, and the bag. I tell him that we decorated them with
our favorite lyrics, the date and city they were in.
He,
smiling profusely and amused goes to Mike and goes "Hey Mike, look
bro, we got ducks" and Mike looks as confused as Aaron did, pulls them
out and Mikes like Oh man, we got ducks. Then he brings them to Brian
and goes Hey Brian, we have ducks. Brian goes "nice!" and then he goes
in to show AP, and he goes "Hey AP we got ducks!" and AP Smiles. He
comes back out and goes "I'm going to put this bag for ducks on my
chain" and we laugh and go "be careful, it may fall off eventually with
all the ducks" and he laughs, gives both Ed and I a hug, and says "thank
you" and we tell him that there will be more ducks. He smiles, and goes
"I really appreciate it" and then we go "We have more. We brought you
Monster and Mountain Dew" and he smiles even more and goes "Thank you
guys! We really appreciate it!" and then I see AP coming out, and go
"Hey AP, there's Monster in the van, we gave it to Aaron, you might have
to fight him for it" and he smiles, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and a
huge hug, I kiss him and then I talk to him a bit.
In
Essence, they LOVED the "duck the whole conspiracy" mission and I would
gladly full-fill any other missions again for the Synner Circle of
Friends. They will surely remember us for the rest of their lives and at
any show. We heart Gemini Syndrome, as you can tell.
October
27th, I went through surgery. I had a hysteroscopy,
dilation&cutterage and a laproscopy for my endometriosis. I suffered
quite a bit of pain for the week and a half to follow. It was
interesting, but it confirmed why I have such painful periods and sex,
and also why my fertility is infertility. (See other blog titled "Surgery")
November::
November
started off as a very hectic month. I had learned to lean more on my
best friend Mike for things than go and bug DJ…. Speaking of DJ… DJ and I
got into a huge disagreement November 1st. I told him I was falling for
him, and in love with him, but he basically freaked on me. Apparently
this is a huge no-no or something. Well, he decided he was going to be
mad at me, and I took that energy and decided to focus it elsewhere. I
worked a lot. Finished my college classes, which has a 3.87 GPA Overall,
and a 3.5 Quarter GPA. From this incident, I got the strength to tell a
particular crush of mine how I felt, and he had known about it quite
some time, and he and I talked more and more, which was good. He was
there for me to pick me up when I was down, and needed that pick me up.
He never walked away, even with me talking about DJ to him. He helped
ease my pain that my heartfelt. Eventually, I told my best friend/wifey
Bella about it, and she helped me let go. She helped me realize if
someone was meant to be in my life, they will be. The thing that
particularly stands out about November is my trust and faith in God that
everything was going to work out financially, and with DJ, whether
friends or more. Thanksgiving was pretty awesome. I cooked a big dinner,
and spent time with my daughter, though I really missed home. I was
trying to get out to see my mother, but it just wasn’t working out for
me.
December::
December
was awesome. It was the great end to my hectic and amazing year. The
only thing I wanted for Christmas I got. In December, I was able to 1.
Go to a Carolina Panthers Game 2. DJ Started talking to me again 3. I
met Mike, my best friend 4. My sister came from MA to OH to visit me.
These four things stick out and make my December pretty freaking
amazing.
The Carolina Panthers Game was amazing. I dressed
in my jersey. I went in “mighty fine 59” Luke Kuechly’s jersey, and had
a great time. I met some of the most amazing people, and became a part
of the “Down East Carolina Panthers Tailgate” and made a second family
in NC. It is beautiful in NC. I’ve considered moving there. The southern
hospitality is amazing. I’ve never had such good tasting food, and I
don’t do social gatherings well, and so it was quite awesome that I got
up and did the “wobble” and did the “shuffle” and it was so much fun.
Everyone says looking at photos, that they have not seen me smile like
that in a while, and its true. I smiled a lot that day. So many memories
and so much fun.
DJ and I saw each other, and started
talking again. We hung out, talked, and things went well. I gave him his
Christmas Gifts, which were 1. Chipotle Gift Card 2. A7X Poster/CD
Signed 3. Browns Blanket and 4. Peppermint Bark. He loved it, he said
that I put a lot of thought into my gifts.
Mike was
awesome to meet. We had talked pretty much like it was nothing else. His
mother and sister were pretty cool. His mother invited me back anytime.
He LOVED his A7X Poster that I got for him. He had EXACTLY the reaction
I expected. Mike loves A7X, and so it was perfect. He also loved his
Browns Blanket.
My sister coming for Christmas was the
cake topping of December. She and I had so much fun. We had a whipped
crème fight. We had so much good food, since I cooked again, we had a
lot of memories together, and I will miss her now that she is back home.
On
the 28th, My Panthers WON the NFC South Division for the second year in
a row! This made me so happy! This means we are going to Championships!
Lastly, since December is the last month out of the year, I have lost 10lbs. I know it’s not much but it is something.
2014
has been amazing. I've met some of the most amazing people in my life
(AJ, Terrance, Ed, Bella, DJ, Mike, Alex, Josh ect. ect. this list could
go on forever) but its also shown me loss, heartbreak, and devestation,
but the difference is that I didn't let it get me down.
So
where does this put 2015? 2015 will be freaking amazing. First to-do,
is to get my license, and then a car. Those are priority for me. Weight
Loss. I’m going to get serious about it. I want to be 200lbs by June
2015. Boyfriend? Maybe I will have a boyfriend in 2015. I am unsure, I
quite like where things are at the moment, so there is no rush. I know
one thing, 2015, will be just as awesome, and blessed as this year was,
and is, and I will make it my year again. I’ve come such a long way in
2014, that 2015 will only be better.